SD 07/01/06 - "HAMSTERS!!!" - Oh, the pain. Oh the pain! ... It hurts just to remember.
Nothing like a hamster in your pants, especially a man-eating one.
Somehow, that blasted Hojo had smuggled thousands of the little monsters aboard the stations in crates. He had gene-enginered them with bits of genetic code from phirana rats. They were just as ferocious, if not more. Usually instead of running away from Lynx and Tarra, they ran at them, willing to trade their little lives for a chance to sink their teeth into them. Some are calling them "Jihad hamsters."
Whatever their name, it seems Hojo rigged them so one's lid would blow open when Tarra got near it (presumably Lynx as well had she been the one), then the others scattered about the ship, thanks to some counterfit orders on PADDs given to Starbase redshirts, would blow open as well. Rumor has it Tarra herself opened up one herself to get at the hamsters to snack on one, but surely our Security Chief would never be so irresponsible.
And once loose, the jihad hamsters attacked anyone in sight, usually in groups, chomping down on them like schools of phiranna. No one was killed, but there were a number of severe injuries, notably when they mauled peoples' privates. And yours truly was attacked while in the bathroom. I may never rest easy when answering nature's call again for some time. I heard one redshirt was so freaked about the vermin attacking him, he fired a phaser on stun at his crotch! ... There's a first for Starfleet.
They did more than just attack people's unmentionables. They also attacked equipment, electronics, fire hoses, and other items. People soon found it hard to access the Starbase computer, and sometimes when they did, it behaved ... erradically.
For some time, it was pure pandemonium, people runing around screaming at the top of their lungs. Then Lott had an idea. She found some highly-caffenated coffee grounds, and beamed them all over the Starbase, along with some sunflower seeds. For some strange reason, Redshirt Zilch-Class Benjamin Dover was found running away from a large group in a sunflower seed costume loaded with the grounds! While running, he was shot in the behind, and promptly pounced upon by the hundred or so jihad hamsters chasing him.
Once they ingested enough coffee grounds, the hamsters forgot all about the people, and instead began zipping around in ramdom directions, quite literally bouncing off the walls. When I finally exited the bathroom I was in, I found Half keeping those headed her way with a ping-pong paddle. Finally the once vicious little critters collapsed, utterly exhausted.
We were bloodied, but apparently had given as good as we got, notably Lynx and Thor, the latter who had finally recovered, only to face monsters he probably never even imagined back in New Vinland. I found Lynx unconscious, which worried me at first, only to be told by Half she was simply sleeping after her battle with the hamsters.
We had only just begun to recover when I got a comm, from Admiral S'Cowl. Apparently he and the other Vulcans had been meditating durring the mess, and had awoken just in time to see it ending. Aparently, he couldn't help but blame us for the disaster, never mind he's the one in charge here and not me.
Then there was Droolin, the guy whom the girls feel would have deserved getting hamsterbit the most spent the whole time in the holodeck with some fantasy women. While we were fighting for our lives, he was having the time of his.
It never ends.
After all that, it's back to the ship where many of us chose to recover by resting. But judging by what I heard one redshirt mutter after I walked past the door of his room, rest may not come easy.
"Can't sleep, the hamsters will get me. Can't sleep, the hamsters will get me! Can't sleep the hamsters will get me! "
Go to next log
Go back to previous log
Go back to the Captain's Log index