SD 10/09/04 - "Do you Believe in Magic? #6" aka "Hampstercism" That was the strangest exorcism I've ever seen.
Okay, I had never seen one in person, but this looked stranger than even those in the holovids.
Once we finished our business with the seer on Megas-Tu, we beamed back to the Freedom. Upon materializing, we found ourselves landing on our tails. Looking around, I noticed Lynx, Kura, and Half were not with us. I was promptly commed by the transporter room, Ensign Dover saying the three had beamed over there as planned, but were knocked out by small iron anvils. It was upon hearing that when the computer gave it's malicious manaical laugh.
Memories of Compy. I didn't need this then or now.
Lott was ahead of us, and so was some Magick. It was the apprentice exorcist we were told about. He was fairly humanoid, but with his short stature and large hairy shoeless feet resembled something from a J.R. Tolkein holovid. Calling himself "Tudo," he certainly seemed friendlier than most Magicks.
So we went down the Jeffreys tube. Orlan, naturally embarassed at being nude, requested the computer for "anything to cover up ... a towel." He forgot the computer's insaine thinking, and a trowel was beamed over and landed on his head. He cursed, and we moved on. Tudo kept looking at a crystal which he was apparently using to keep track of the power of the "entity." Eventually, we came to a hatch, which Tudo tought led to the place. We opened it and went in.
It was the main computer room, but we barely recognized it. All the terminals were open, half the lights were shattered, and there were wires, wires, everywhere! It reminded me of those cartoons about computer engineering nightmares. It was certainly a nightmare to Lott who was groaning about how long it would take to fix things.
Then the hatch suddenly closed shut! The computer had led us into a trap, "Come into my parlor, said the spider to the fly. Muhahahaha! The wires then came alive, moving on their own. They bundled into tentrils, then came after us! In Ennin's words, it was like bad science fiction. For whatever reason, Lera not only was tangled by more than most, but they began ripping off her clothes. What did Ennin call it as he swatted away at the tendrils, "tentacle hentai?" Weird.
While we were fighting off the tendrils, Tudo told us he could perform his exorcism, if he only knew what the entity feared. Lott promptly answered "hamsters!" The computer must reallt have taken after Demian as it went, "Hampsters? Where?!" Tudo then concentrated, and after Lott and Tarra blocked a couple tendril attacks he hold forth a squigling hamster, "In the name of the hamster, I cast thee OUT!! The posessed computer screamed, and lost interest in tormenting us, "NOOOOOOOOOO!!!! .... AAAAAAHHHHHHHHH!!! " Lott and I helped by playing on my PADD the "Hampsterdance" song that was used to disclipine him and putting up a hamster screensaver. With the possessed computer totally distracted, Tudo threw the hamster, glowing with energy, at the main terminals. There was a flash, a cloud of smoke, and the computer's screams died away.
After so many weeks, the computer was finally back to normal. Well, we still have to clean up the terminals and all those wires.
Tudo had a little rain for our parade, however. He explained the entity was so strange to him and so strong, he could not dispell it, only contain it. And the containment was linked to the hamster's "life energy." Should it die, Demian, or whatever that is, will be back stronger than ever. To make matters more complicated, the hamster was gray and arthritic. Not likely to live much longer. Tudo contacted his master, to see if the containment could somehow be linked to a younger animal. But instead was told to return, "those humans should take whatever aid they get from us and make due with it."
As Tarra remarked, these guys must have been taking lessons on manners from Ironbottom.
It was then that we were contacted by the Bridge, and informed the Magicks were telling us to leave since our business here was finished. So off we go. Besides the mess in the maincomputer room, the computer blew a number of fuses in other places. And a number of women are complaining their replicators when asked to make clothes produce nothing but pink negligee.
Back to normal, well, what passes for normal around here.
Overview of TAS Episode "The Magicks of Megas-Tu"
images of TAS Episode "The Magicks of Megas-Tu"