SD 10/14/06 - "Pirates, Ferrengi, and Hamsters! Oh My!"

Broadcast Message to All Starfleet Vessels in Sector 79 Wargames:


It has come to our attention that a computer problem, no doubt the result of human error, resulted in a misplaced decmal resulting in the initial wargame area being made ten to the power of three times larger (or a million times larger to explain things to those starship captains among you that are human). We have tried to confirm that all ships have recieved this message, but so far no response from the USS Freedom, the vessel acting as the pirate ship in this exercise.

Although I suspect that given the human Captain Payne's record that he may be taking advantage of technicalities to give himself an edge, until further evidence is presented it shall be presumed the result is one of the malfunctions he is always complaining about. In either event, the wargames shall go on as sceduled, with all ships authorized to search for the Freedom in the expanded area.

As the expanded area now overlaps some commonly used trading lanes favored by freighters, Federation and otherwise, it has been decided not to issue a general release concerning the misunderstanding of the size of the exercise area. The reason being is the chance of creating unnecessary concern among freighters, and cause some scedules to be missed. It is not, I repeat, NOT because we of Starfleet are supposedly reluctant to admit mistakes.

To all pursuit ships, good luck in your search. To the Freedom, should you recieve this message, please contact Starbase 13 immediately. We ask that you not concern yourself with the possibility that your message will be intercepted by the pursuing ships.

On a final note, we recieved what sounded like a rather peculiar distress call from a Ferrengi freighter, the Latinum Princess. The caller was shrieking something about being attacked and eaten alive by hamsters, then was cut off. Please be on the lookout for this ship as the crew is most likely got intoxicated from whatever contraband alcoholic beverages it is smuggling, and likely to be a possible hazzard for other vessels.


NARRATIVE Acting all too well in it's role as pirates under an amnesiac captain, the Freedom runs into it's first victim, a Ferrengi freighter captained by a Damion Kook, who so happens to be the son of the late Damion Kee, the Ferrengi who owned Tarra as a slave in her pre-Federation life. Not only does he not initially surrender, he audacitly demands Tarra be returned to him. The Freedom responds with a photon torpedo, which thanks to a little tinkering by Half earlier does not contain a warhead, but instead fills the Ferengi bridge with hordes of killer hamsters. After moments of being chomped on and screaming, the Ferrengi give up, somewhat to the disapointment of Lynx and Tarra who are in charge of the boarding party But a malfunction in the transporter results in Damion Kook being beamed over with the hamsters, and the squeaking sounds coming over the comm from Kook, now in the brig, suggests the malfunction may have been much more (and amusing). Thor looks over the events, confused, and acts squeamish when told how pirates treat venerial disease. Vak-Surak, not caught up as most of the others in "pirate mode," quietly observes, not sure what to do. A mishap by Half ends up coating the others in green slime, "never say 'I don't know.' " And Lott steals the Captain's chance to get a victory smooch from Half.

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