Droolin's Bio

Name: Dorcus Droolin

Nickname(s): "Fanboy," "Pervert," "Freak," "Walking Hormone"

Rank: Lieutenant

Race: Human

Height: 5' 6"

Weight: 140 lbs.

Hair: Light Brown

Eyes: Brown

Position: Varries (always being moved around due to complaints by women)

Age: 24 (acts 14 at times)

Sex: Male (and as often as possible)

Droolin has made a name for himself on the Freedom as the ship's top skirt-chaser and gawker, not to mention the ire of most of the women on the ship.

Background : Born and raised on a frontier mining world with a 90% male population, young Droolin grew up in a place where women were invariably cat-called and whistled in public, and where pornography and prostitution were rampant. His mother reluctantly put up with life there, and her husband's behavior, until the day after the boy's 15th birthday party, in which he was acting a lot happier than usual and she overheard her husband bragging about taking the youth to a brothel the night before where he could "become a man." That being the last straw, she promptly withdrew the entire family savings and got passage for her and the adolescent out of there.

Settling in New Utah, Droolin's mother made an effort to try to "set him straight," going as far to enroll him into a Catholic school. Unfortunetly, a lifetime of seeing women as object of pleasure was not so easily undone, and he came into almost constant trouble for everything from peeping in the girls' locker room, selling dirty pictures to other students, shining black shoes to a mirror finish and positioning them underneath girls' skirts to get a peek, etc. The Mother Superior of the school particuarly hounded him and he seemed destined to flunk.

Then the local diocese fell into a sex scandal, and under pressure from lawsuits was forced to declare bankruptcy. The school found itself under new ownership, and the pressure was off Droolin. To his surprise, he was unable to indulge in his favorite activities as much as the teachers were no longer telling them what pornographic planetary Internet adresses to avoid, the passageway behind the women's showers wide enough to crawl into was filled up due to generous funding allowing it, and there was no longer a reason to shine shoes to a mirror finish. Reluctantly, he put the effort once used to satisfying his desires into his studies, and graduated with honors.

Droolin may have been inspired by an ad campaign that featured a Starfleet crewman surrounded by particuarly busty humanoid females in wearing only coconut bikinis and grass skirts: "Join Starfleet and Make Contact With Exotic Peoples in Exotic Places." Whatever the reason, upon graduation he quickly applied to Starfleet Academy and was accepted. Once there however, he began getting in trouble for harassing female students, particuarly humanoid females with exotic reputations. With his attention once again turning to quenching his thirst, his grades began to slip. However, when girls of the stronger races beat him up to the point of him needing bed rest, he found the time to study while healing.

Still, his graduation was in doubt, until a girl he kept pestering for a hot date finally agreed to meet him at the "Blue Oyster" bar. Droolin had no way of knowing it was a gay bar, until it was too late. What happened there is unclear, but it is known the girl took pictures and agreed to hand them over only after their graduation, provided he left her and others alone. Once again, Droolin put the effort he once used on his illicit passions on his studying, and graduated.

Shortly after graduation, he began hitting on a woman who soon went to the police, and while they did a check on his record, a casual search of her purse revealed stolen documents. She had been spying! Instead of getting a repremand, Droolin got the credit for busting the busty espionage agent. The promotion he got from that was followed some months later by his rank advanced to Lieutenant, though the Captain in question was a "James Kirk wannabe who matched his hero only in the bedroom," and thanks to his experience finding certain hard-to-find Federation databank websites, Droolin kept sending him detailed "anatomy reports" of the females of numerous alien races.

After the Captain was dismissed for sexual harrasment, his replacement was more sympathetic to the ladies' complaints about Droolin, and less sympathetic to his seeminly insatiable desires. Droolin found himself transfered from ship to ship, eventually ending up on a garbage hauler. Following his attempt to woo a Caitian female with a good supply of catnip at "that time of the year" which failed spectacuarly, the irritated captain had him transfered to the USS Freedom.

Physician's Notes: Subject has had several teeth knocked loose and his jaw fractured a few times from slaps and blows to the face. He has also suffered numerous bruises on his testicles from kicks to the groin. Was treated for slashing wounds to the buttocks in which the tip of a Caitian's nail was found. Considering his history, I recomend serious psychological counseling, medication to reduce his testosterone levels, or both for the sake of his health and his female crewmates.


Lt. Droolin is based off "Droolin Phanboi" from Paul Gibbs & Bill Redfern's "Freighter Tails"

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