Admiral Ironbottom

Name: Admiral Russel "Rusty" Ironbottom

Age: 62

Height: 5' 8"

Weight: 250 lbs.

Hair: Gray

Eyes: Iron Gray

Race: Human

Admiral Ironbottom was the commander of the sector the USS Freedom patrols, and therefore the Captain's boss.

Background: Russell Ironbottom is the son of Charles "Up Chuck" Ironbottom, whom was court-martialed after a shipment of food went bad due to his "shortcut" through an asteroid belt that resulted in frequent breakdowns and stops for repairs. As most of the people who fell ill were humanoid and not human, Charles Ironbottom's trial had those from the races involved as judge and jury and was dishonorably discharged. Only a mediocre student, Russell took it upon himself to enter Starfleet Academy and do his father proud. Although suspected of cheating, such as the temporary tattoos that looked suspiciously like the answers to tests, he was never charged. He was also implicated in several instances of bullying and hazing, but witnesses had a way of recanting their charges, often with fresh bruises and black eyes. Russell Ironbottom graduated from the Academy last in his class.

As Ironbottom had gone through Command School, he became the Chief Tactical Officer on a destroyer, Captained by his uncle, Terrace "Tubby" Ironbottom. During this time, there were an increased number of black eyes at Sick Bay and more signs of anxiety noticed by the Counselor, especially from nonhuman members of the lesser-ranked crewmen. But when various crewmen were questioned about these incidents, they denied anything happened, though some were described as nervously glancing at Russel Ironbottom. Also during this time, the ship was involved in numerous incidents in which freighters with mostly nonhuman crews kept getting damaged by the destroyer's phasers "accidentally" going off time and time again despite the efforts of the engineers. After Ironbottom made Lieutenant, his uncle retired and left. Ironbottom transfered to another vessel upon finding out the new Captain was Andorian.

Most who knew Ironbottom described him as ill-tempered to most, especially lower-ranked nonhuman crewman, and of mediocre performance. Despite the latter, he had no real problems getting promoted as he always seemed to be around to give a favorable impression to the Captain whether a fresh cup of coffee or extra reports for his superior's convenience, often handed over by a lower ranked officer who "volunteered" his free time. For some reason, his crewmates around this time were calling him "Kissbottom."

When confronted by a Tellarite Commodore about complaints by nonhumans about his behavior to them, it was expected that Commander Ironbottom would be demoted. To everyone's surprise, he was offered a captaincy, "to reflect the camaraderie you have shown your fellow beings." Ironbottom gleefully took it, not being told until the second he saw the ship that it was a garbage hauler, the S.S. Skunkweed, which was known to haul cargo so noxious, clothespins were issued out as part of the uniform. Ironbottom tried to back out of it, but was told unless an Admiral was willing to pull him out, regulations stated he'd have to serve five years or resign his commission. With reluctance, he took the job.

For over a year, "Captain Ickybottom" as he became known to old crewmates who heard of his assignment, quietly did his ignoble duty, frequently appealing to higher-ups for a transfer, but getting turned down. Finally one day, the ship was taking a shortcut through a nebula while carrying a cargo of Vulcan tofu that had finally spoiled to toxicity, but thankfully was in sealed containers. They were ambushed by Ferrengi who didn't know the freighter was hauling (Skunkweed is considered a delicacy by some Ferrengi), and thought the cargo would be an easy steal. The Ferrengi ship was later found floating in space, the crew dead after opening the containers and being exposed to the gasses that over time had become lethal. Ironbottom was decorated for his "ingenious deception," rumors that he had been hiding under his bed the whole time cast aside, and given command of the cruiser USS Ajax.

The Ajaxunder Ironbottom patrolled a section of space where an alliance of pirates and renegade Klingons were a problem. He was decorated for several one on one ship battles based on his reports of scoring more damage to the opposing vessel before "enemy reinforcements" arrived. His ship had the lowest percentage of non-humans of any cruiser, for whatever reason those that were on board kept getting bad performance reviews despite good records elsewhere. The Ajax responded to a number of distress calls concerning pirate attacks in the sector. For whatever reason, those calls made by ships with nonhuman crews always seemed to be made when the ship was undergoing engine retuning and Ironbottom couldn't get the ship there in time.

The most important mission the Ajax took part in was when Ironbottom was in charge of a raid by Starfleet marines on a pirate outpost. The assault on the planet went badly, for which Ironbottom blamed the marine commander and denied rumors he had torn up the commander's plans in favor of his own. For whatever reason, the plan had those squads composed of mostly non-humans making diversionary attacks on well-fortified places while the human ones were the ones to make the striking blow. When the assault had clearly failed, Ironbottom recalled the human squads, declared the nonhuman ones "hopelessly lost" and retreated. The stranded marines turned up several years later, claiming Ironbottom could have easily recovered them, but were captured and sold into slavery where they worked until they could commandeer a ship and get away. Ironbottom responded by ordering their arrest, claiming they turned traitor and deserted after sending false reports about their combat status. With evidence lacking, they were dishonorably discharged on reduced charges, resulting in the resignation of several high-ranking officers in protest. The marines themselves eventually found jobs on Risa as adult holo-movie stars, one wryly commenting they were now getting paid to do what Ironbottom had been doing to them.

Ironbottom's last mission as the Ajax's captain was when he ordered the ship at maximum speed for a lengthy chase of a renegade Klingon ship despite the chief engineer's protests. It resulted in a catastrophic failure resulting in the loss of warp engines, communications, and the ability to make adequate repairs. The ship spent several months getting to the nearest Federation outpost, during which time witnesses described Ironbottom as ranting and raving against Klingons, Romulans, and other "enemy aliens," and anyone who would cooperate with them. Following the incident, Ironbottom was recalled to Starfleet Headquarters where he spent the next several years in the beaurcracy until he was later given command of Federation ships in the sector controlled by Starbase 13, which included the USS Freedom.

Ironbottom served as commander of the Starbase 13 sector for several years. Much of his service was devoted to conducting criminal investigations of Starfleet personel. For whatever reason, a greater percentage of those investigated were nonhumans, and some charged of those humans he went after were those noted for standing up for the rights of nonhumans. A number of once-promising nonhuman personel found themselves disgraced and forced to resign or demoted and given jobs in dismal posts.

Ironbottom's biggest investigation was that of the USS Freedom, gathering information with paitence unusualy out of character for him. When he went to arrest the Captain and his bridge crew, however, a Borg cube intervened and assimulated Ironbottom and his crew. With the assimulated Ironbottom leading the cube, the Borg went on a rampage, crippling a number of vessles and assumulating all humans aboard and leaving the nonhumans to die. The Borg were finally defeated at New Cait when the crew of the Freedom showed up in the Kzinti battlecarrier Gutting Claw and stopped them with the help of the Yammato. Virtually every Borg was rescued and freed from assimulation, one of the few times recorded this happened.

Ironbottom was charged with treason, but "mittigating circumstances" led him to be declared "criminally insaine" instead. He was sent to the Sick Puppy Instutute where it is hoped he will recover, and possibly resume his promising career.

On a final note, Ironbottom was supposedly part of a secret organization within Starfleet: Section 42, also known as "The Answer." The organization supposedly had an anti-nonhuman agenda, considering all others in the Federation hostile to human interests and devoted itself to sabotaging the carreers of promising nonhuman officers and regulating them to menial jobs. An investigation revealed that the "organization" was nothing more than falsified records set up by Ironbottom when he went insane. Like "Section 31," it is a complete fabrication and fantasy.

Ancestry Ironbottom comes from a long line of military officers, dating back to a family of German Polish nobility, the Eisenkeisters. During the partitions of Poland, members of this family served valiantly as knights and generals, but unfortunately only one battle ever led by one was a Polish victory despite often outnumbering the enemy forces two or three to one. This battle led by Count Von Eisenkeister consisted of repeated assaults on a fortress on a steep mountain, resulting in the loss of over half the force by rocks launched from the fort. When the fortress was finally taken, it was discovered the fortress had been abandoned shortly before the attack due to it falling apart, and the rocks falling down were pieces of fortress that had loosened. Count Von Eisenkeister was decorated for his victory, but sadly was thrown out of his estate after Poland was dissolved and died in poverty.

Following the Napoleonic Wars, the Eisenkeisters continued to make a name for themselves under Austria, Prussia and Germany. Col. Heinz Eisenkeister was posthumously awarded the Iron Cross for his actions in the invasion of Denmark when his Calvary brigade attacked a town's supposed fortified harbor district, only to find it abandoned, and took one-third casualties from the horses slipping on the sardines. Oberleiutenant Johan Eisenkeister of Austria, another proponent of the continuation of huddled groups of infantry making slow marches into enemy fire was among the first to be killed by Prussia's "needle guns." Col. Franz Eisenkeister made history when he made repeated calvary charges into obviously fortified French positions near Sedan. This seemingly act of high stupidity was revealed to be a brilliant though costly diversion when the French Emperor was tricked into thinking all the Germans fought like this, and withdrew some forces from the area, which was rendered vulnerable to the real attack that broke through and paved the way for Germany's victory.

In the First World War, the soldiers from the Eisenkeister family were mostly limited to duty as supply officers, the most notable being when a shipment of ham driven by truck by Major Eric Eisenkeister made so many wrong turns and got stuck in the mud so often, when it finally reached the front it caused over a thousand cases of food poisoning. Leiutenant Hans Eisenkeister became an ace in a day by shooting down five planes. Unfortunately, they were all from his side. In the Second World War, most of the German Eisenkeisters doing military service did so in the Waffen SS, the recruiters for the regular army turning all but a few away for some strange reason. Several of those who survived the war were tried for war crimes charges, but were pardoned when it was rumored they had access to secret wartime research. After they moved to America, the "access" turned out to be sharing the same latrine as a group of V-2 rocket crewmen at a base they all at various times were stationed.

In America, the Eisenkeisters continued to do military service under the U.S. armed forces. In Vietnam, Corporal George Eisenkeister is credited with the destruction of a Vietcong battalion when he was smuggling psychedelic toadstools in a shipment of brownies and was captured by them. They went ballistic after eating the brownies, and the corporal fled while they were shooting one another. In the Persian Gulf War, Sgt. John Deleno Eisenkeister was in charge of the only supply convoy ever known to have "MRE" rations spoil while in transit. Discharged for shooting himself in the foot, he became the first millionaire in the family in generations when his investments in a friend's Internet business hit the jackpot. Unfortunately, his riches turned to rags with the end of the stock market boom. He then reluctantly took a job at a fast food restaurant and eventually rose to manager. The restaurant made mediocre profits, and was sued a few times by employees accusing him of constant verbal harassment and bullying. Late in his career, business picked up somewhat under Assistant Manager Maxwell Lee, but went down again after his unexplained disappearance. Several years later, the restaurant was destroyed in the chaos following the missile strikes in the Third World War. John Eisenkeister spent his last years as a slave to a local warlord.

John Eisenkeister's grandson Herbert "Screamer" Eisenkeister was among the first to serve in the first military base in orbit. Graduating last in his class, he got his nickname for his method of inspiration for the crewman, two inches from their left ears. He is noted as being the first human serviceman to receive the Vulcan Nerve Pinch after demonstrating his inspiration on a Vulcan from an exchange program. Sherman Eisenkeister was in charge of Engineering on one of the first colony ships. Unfortunately, the warp engine failed, rations ran out weeks before they got there, and the engineer drew the short straw when they decided someone had to "volunteer" to be dinner. Freighter Captain Pete Eisenkeister is credited for uncovering the briefly hostile intentions of an alien race when he insisted their ship was saying "surrender" instead of "celebrate," and fired before the aliens could launch their attack, they not having even a chance to power up their weapons, let alone aim.

Under Starfleet, the Eisenkeister continued their tradition of military service, Their tradition of serving tainted food to the enemy scored another success when during the Fourth Kzin War, a supply ship led by Captain Fred Eisenkeister was detoured when he insisted on a shortcut and ended up behind Kzin lines. The Captain chose to remain behind, though those from the escape pods say he was insisting they could beat the three attacking warships. For his sacrifice, it is believed an entire Kzin fleet was held up due to food poisoning. Captain Brent "Cattle Prod" Eisenkeister, nicknamed for his favorite method of disclipine, is credited for surviving several years marooned on an alien planet after dumped there after his crew mutinied. Captain Bart Eisenkeister provided an interesting test for Cait's relations with the rest of the Federation when his ship encountered the first Caitian freighter and despite the ship's markings and friendly greetings, he appeared to mistake their visual transmissions as "proof" this was a Kzin warship. He ordered the ship's phasers to fire while overloaded in order to knockout the ship, but the overloading caused a major power flux, causing several explosions that resulted in the ship being crippled and several casualties, including the Captain. The confused freighter towed the Starfleet vessel home.

More recently, the family has been serving under new names as a Starfleet computer error keeps accidentally assuming their names are German words. "Eisenkeister" was changed to German words' meaning in English, "Ironbutt," "IronCENSORED," and "Ironbottom." Despite the name changes, there is little doubt the family will continue the quality of service it has in the past.

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Last Updated: August 8, 2005